I get asked all the time about posing, natural looks. “What do I do with my hands?” Every family has those scrapbooks filled with the same smiles over and over, grinning teeth, pursed lips. Why does Aunt Debra always look a little drunk whether she’s at the dinner table or at the beach? Why does grandpa always appear to be constipated?

The key to natural photography is to get out of your head. For example, the first thing we do when we step behind a camera and take a family picture is to say what… “Smile!” This command undoubtedly sets off a chain reaction in the minds of all within earshot, who then contort their facial expressions into anything but a natural “smile.”

We have to, in essence, intentionally put the cart before the horse, think of the end before the means. We don’t want our families to smile for the sake of it. We want them to respond to a notion or inkling that naturally induces an inherent positive reaction, the consolidation of which can then be boiled down to that singular essence we’re trying to capture, a genuine smile, which in this sense is simply the body’s natural physical response to our recommendation of joy.

In this way it’s worth getting to know your families if you don’t know them a bit already. You don’t have to tell them to smile if you know what inherently makes them happy. The mention of old memories, of mutual connections, of gossip – sometimes you just know which buttons induce laughter, and behind the lens is the perfect time to push buttons. If the subject is a stranger then resort to common experience and gently invasive questions that evoke a response – “What’s been the best moment since you got to town? What kinds of things are you passionate about?” Get them talking about their passion and they’ll become passionate. Get them talking about what makes them happy and they’ll smile. With kids, I like to ask ahead of time in a questionnaire what interests them at the time.

Kids are the perfect canvas to explore when it comes to feelings. Instead of badgering them to smile over and over while they look like they’re choking down vegetables, try engaging them with a recollection of an old Spongebob episode, or ask them what character they liked from a movie they saw. Sure, you might get 10 minutes of gibberish when it comes to a response, but I’ll bet you get some killer bright photos alive with the essence of happiness, which only a child can express in the throes of passionate gibberish.

Another tip for behavior in family or kid photography is to let the child lead. We know mom knows what’s best and dad is there because it’s halftime, but the most precious moments of family photography come when we let kids be kids and simply respond with them when they’re given the freedom to do and say what they’re thinking. Let them run the show for a few minutes and keep it light. You’ll capture more natural moments when kids are allowed to be kids and bring out the child in us rather than scolding them into sitting up straight and forcing a smile.